The feminisation of worship songs?

The feminisation of worship songs?
The feminisation of worship songs?

I’ve just been at a conference, which was awesome and being a good worship pastor, I went to the seminar on worship. I’ve been to lots of worship seminars (all very helpful) but in the Q&A at the end, there’s always this one question from the floor (and it always comes from a guy) and it is this;

“Do you think that there are too many ‘feminine’, ‘Jesus, you’re my boyfriend’ songs out there and do you think they put men off coming to church because it is hard for men to think in terms of ‘falling in love’ with Jesus?”

And then this is suggested as one of the reasons why we have so few men in the church-because we do not speak the language of men in worship.
I can totally see the point of their question- a heterosexual man singing about falling in love with Jesus, who was/ is a man is, I can imagine, totally bizarre and unpleasant. But, the question also perplexes me a lot too for a number of reasons, which the sociologist left in me from my degree is fascinated with!
Most of the songs singing about God’s love are written by men
When this question is asked, I often feel responsible that men cannot connect with these songs in our worship and wonder how I can make the worship more accessible and then I remember that nearly every song in my worship set (including the intimate ones) was written by a man/ group of men. As far as I know, these guys are pretty average, masculine men. I mean, most of them have wives and play football etc (if these count as masculine attributes?) So there must be a reason why they write these personal songs about an intimate relationship with Jesus. In fact, I think we should give them a pat on the back, as isn’t it the goal of our Christian lives to grow in our relationship with God in deeper and more intimate ways
Is love and falling in love a feminine attribute? Even the manliest man falls in love.
I don’t understand why we’ve decided to label intimate Christian worship songs as feminine, as in the secular music world, you don’t think anything less of a man writing a love song. What makes a worship song feminine? I don’t get it. Even Bon Jovi sung about flowers “Bed of Roses”. I’m pretty sure every man out there owns at least one soppy love song in their music collection. Does this make them less of a man? What about Shakespeare’s sonnets? Solomon’s Song of Songs? John’s 3 letters on love? The countless Theologians who have journalled their experiences of God’s love? Throughout history, it is through men that God has most communicated and described his love and that was brought to fullness in the person of Jesus- a man. Obviously the male majority writings are mainly because of cultural reasons, but God has still managed it fine! Love and intimacy are not masculine or feminine but universal. We all experience love. Yes there are different types, but both men and women are made to receive love and live in intimate relationships.
In the last 5 years or so there haven’t been many of these intimate songs written
The songs that seem to cause the most tension were mostly written in the late 90s/ early 00s during a time of renewal (Toronto blessing), when people were experiencing the Father’s love in a new way- or before that in the 70s/ early 80s. Our current new songs are mostly anthemic and talk of God’s greatness. There are very few new songs on surrender, adoption and intimacy circulating about. This might be because God is revealing himself primarily in this way right now, but we still need songs about God’s love. After all, it is his love that changes us. I want more not less!
Women also find the concept of falling in love with Jesus weird.
I have never fancied Jesus. I have never flirted with him in my quiet times. There is no sexual tension in our relationship. It’s just plain wrong to think of Jesus in those terms. My concept of giving my love and receiving God’s is always in the context of his love not being my equal. Mine comes from a place of unworthy thankfulness and part-knowledge of just how awesome he is. God’s love comes from a place of him humbling himself to my level and it far exceeds my own in its extravagance. God’s love is holy. When I experience it, I don’t just feel a warm-glow feeling like when I’ve fallen in love with a guy. Oh no, I feel the fire of it that burns away the unholy in me and cleanses me. His love is transforming. It goes beyond the emotional and physical, to the depths of my soul. He knows me better than I know myself. He welcomes me into his embrace, but his love is so weighty I don’t often make it into his arms and end up bowed low in reverence. It is more intimate than I know, and yet I can’t get too close because reaches too far beyond all that I am. It is constant and dependable. He always respects and protects my vulnerability, I am always enough as I am, I am never judged, always accepted. Now I can’t think how this is anything like human love.
I do confess that I get frustrated with the “love songs to Jesus question”, but I also recognise we do have a problem- that we are affected by our culture which has put love hand in hand with sex. We are such a sexualised nation that it interrupts our understanding and exploration of intimacy with God and worship leaders need to be sensitive to this. I’m trying to figure out how we can promote the right kind of intimacy in our services and use these songs the way they were written to be sung because we do need to sing about how much we love Jesus.
Advice appreciated!

And then this is suggested as one of the reasons why we have so few men in the church-because we do not speak the language of men in worship.

I can totally see the point of their question- a heterosexual man singing about falling in love with Jesus, who was/ is a man is, I can imagine, totally bizarre and unpleasant. But, the question also perplexes me a lot too for a number of reasons, which the sociologist left in me from my degree is fascinated with!

1. Most of the songs singing about God’s love are written by men.

When this question is asked, I often feel responsible that men cannot connect with these songs in our worship and wonder how I can make the worship more accessible and then I remember that nearly every song in my worship set (including the intimate ones) was written by a man/ group of men. As far as I know, these guys are pretty average, masculine men. I mean, most of them have wives and play football etc (if these count as masculine attributes?) So there must be a reason why they write these personal songs about an intimate relationship with Jesus. In fact, I think we should give them a pat on the back, as isn’t it the goal of our Christian lives to grow in our relationship with God in deeper and more intimate ways.

2. Is love and falling in love a feminine attribute? Even the manliest man falls in love.

I don’t understand why we’ve decided to label intimate Christian worship songs as feminine, as in the secular music world, you don’t think anything less of a man writing a love song. What makes a worship song feminine? I don’t get it. Even Bon Jovi sung about flowers “Bed of Roses”. I’m pretty sure every man out there owns at least one soppy love song in their music collection. Does this make them less of a man? What about Shakespeare’s sonnets? Solomon’s Song of Songs? John’s 3 letters on love? The countless Theologians who have journalled their experiences of God’s love? Throughout history, it is through men that God has most communicated and described his love and that was brought to fullness in the person of Jesus- a man. Obviously the male majority writings are mainly because of cultural reasons, but God has still managed it fine! Love and intimacy are not masculine or feminine but universal. We all experience love. Yes there are different types, but both men and women are made to receive love and live in intimate relationships.

3. In the last 5 years or so there haven’t been many of these intimate songs written

The songs that seem to cause the most tension were mostly written in the late 90s/ early 00s during a time of renewal (Toronto blessing), when people were experiencing the Father’s love in a new way- or before that in the 70s/ early 80s. Our current new songs are mostly anthemic and talk of God’s greatness. There are very few new songs on surrender, adoption and intimacy circulating about. This might be because God is revealing himself primarily in this way right now, but we still need songs about God’s love. After all, it is his love that changes us. I want more not less!

4. Women also find the concept of falling in love with Jesus weird.

I have never fancied Jesus. I have never flirted with him in my quiet times. There is no sexual tension in our relationship. It’s just plain wrong to think of Jesus in those terms. My concept of giving my love and receiving God’s is always in the context of his love not being my equal. Mine comes from a place of unworthy thankfulness and part-knowledge of just how awesome he is. God’s love comes from a place of him humbling himself to my level and it far exceeds my own in its extravagance. God’s love is holy. When I experience it, I don’t just feel a warm-glow feeling like when I’ve fallen in love with a guy. Oh no, I feel the fire of it that burns away the unholy in me and cleanses me. His love is transforming. It goes beyond the emotional and physical, to the depths of my soul. He knows me better than I know myself. He welcomes me into his embrace, but his love is so weighty I don’t often make it into his arms and end up bowed low in reverence. It is more intimate than I know, and yet I can’t get too close because reaches too far beyond all that I am. It is constant and dependable. He always respects and protects my vulnerability, I am always enough as I am, I am never judged, always accepted. Now I can’t think how this is anything like human love.

I do confess that I get frustrated with the “love songs to Jesus question”, but I also recognise we do have a problem- that we are affected by our culture which has put love hand in hand with sex. We are such a sexualised nation that it interrupts our understanding and exploration of intimacy with God and worship leaders need to be sensitive to this. I’m trying to figure out how we can promote the right kind of intimacy in our services and use these songs the way they were written to be sung because we do need to sing about how much we love Jesus.

Advice appreciated!

 

Sarah-De-JongSarah de Jong is Worship Minister at St Gabriel’s Church, Cricklewood, London

Its great to have these guest posts from worship leaders, musicians and others. If you have a burning issue that you’d like to talk about on our website, please do get in touch.

Other posts you might like:

Is it just me or are a lot of worship songs mediocre?

The Mandy Test – romantic lyrics in worship songs

Why men hate going to church

Lyrics and story telling – guest post by Hillsong’s Mia Fieldes