“HELP WANTED: Pastor’s wife. Must sing, play music, lead youth groups, raise seraphic children, entertain church notables, minister to other wives, have ability to recite Bible backward and choreograph Christmas pageant. Must keep pastor sated, peaceful and out of trouble. Difficult colleagues, demanding customers, erratic hours. Pay: $0.” 6
Burnout is a very real issue in ministry. As a pastor’s wife, mother, and self-employed consultant I have struggled with trying to do too many things for too many people on my own strength for far too long. I recently took a course called “Facilitating Work-Life Balance” and a seminar about juggling life for the modern Christian woman with Shaunti Feldham. In this article you will find practical tips on recognizing burnout and steps to prevent and recover from it. There are also lots of additional resources for you to explore. Don’t forget to take a look at my Burnout for Pastors’ Wives Tip Sheet.
So lets start with what is burnout? Burnout is: “A state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion marked by physical depletion and chronic fatigue, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and by development of a negative self-concept and negative attitudes towards work, life and other people.” Christina Maslach1
Being the “Pastor’s Wife” may sound like a prestigious title but life in the fishbowl brings with it lots of pressure, unrelenting stress, and unrealistic expectations.2 Without a strategy to manage the physical, emotional, and spiritual demands of your role, you may crash. You may be on the road to burnout if you are feeling like:
“The Pastor’s wife is the only woman I know who is asked to work full time without pay on her husband’s job, in a role no one has yet defined” Ruth White
Preventing burnout is a combination of self-care, setting priorities, and stress management. Some things you could do to prevent burnout are:
This post first appeared at The Youth Pastor’s Wife blog written by Miranda Vande Kuyt. Miranda describes herself as a juggler; a master at managing multiple life roles. She is a youth pastor’s wife, a mother, and a self-employed consultant. She enjoys coaching those entering the ministry in career development and achieving work/life balance. For more tips for pastors’ wives please visit her blog at mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com
1 Croucher, Rowland. (n.d.) Stress and Burnout in Ministry. Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://www.churchlink.com.au/churchlink/forum/r_croucher/stress_burnout.html
2 Croucher, Rowland. (January 3, 2003) What Pastors’ Wives Wish Their Husbands And Churches Knew About Them. Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/8202.htm
3 Preventing Burnout. (n.d.) Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/burnout_signs_symptoms.htm#what
4 Vande Kuyt, Miranda. (April 6, 2010) Just Say “No”: Dealing With Overcommitment. Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2010/04/06/overcommitment
5 Vande Kuyt, Miranda. (March 20, 2010) Resources for Pastors’ Wives. Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://mirandavandekuyt.wordpress.com/2010/03/20/resources-for-pastors-wives
6 Cullen, Lisa Takeuchi. (March 29, 2007) Pastors’ Wives Come Together. Retrieved January 28, 2011 from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1604902-1,00.html